Snazzy Babble

Everything is so simple when you’re young; There’s no vanity or jealousy to get in the way. No one cares about who you are or what you’re going to be. You’re just you, an innocent being in the world; a potential friend. As you get older though, people start to use your potential. Often it’s wasted on trying to be something you’re not. And feelings begin to get in the way. You start to feel things with more intensity and passion. Suddenly, something as simple as holding someone’s hand is new and complex. I use to have this music box in my room. It played a wordless melody and had a tiny ballerina twirling on her toes in the center; I use to lie in bed and imagine myself being that ballerina, waiting to have a boy come and take me out of my little box. Nothing’s that simple though. When I was a toddler, I met a boy at Nursery. He was sort of cute, for a four year old, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He even had a sweet little smile that I thought was magical. I didn’t learn how dangerous and deceiving a boy’s smile was until years later. He was in the sand pit and looked kind of lonely, so I crawled over to him and colored on his face. I was a strange child, even then. He laughed and drew on me. Soon we were in time out together and best friends. Simon became the most important thing in my life. We were together so often that soon our parents became friends, and they encouraged our relationship. We went through Elementary school together, not needing anyone else. Why would we? Simon was everything to me. Everything else in my life was insignificant. As long as I had him, I was happy. He felt the same, until we reached high school. Everything was going great. I had chorus and musical theatre, and all honors courses. I was going to be in the school play. Things were perfect. It started slowly; Simon started doing stuff without me. He joined the football team and made new friends there. I had no interest in football, so he became hard to talk to. Then he started to avoid me entirely. He started missing our weekly movie night and got too popular to pay attention to the glee geek that was me. A month later Simon and I wouldn’t even acknowledge each other in the halls. He’d moved on, so I had to too. He didn’t have much trouble doing it either. I mean, he was a guy, right? They could do anything without feeling guilt or caring what it did to other people. And I’ll be damned if I were to let him know his abandonment me affected me. I didn’t have any other friends though. And a lot of girls thought I was stuck up because of my dedication to my future acting career. I proved a few wrong though, and soon formed a group of true friends, who I would do anything for. Friends who would never leave me. I thought I had loved Simon. But it was probably just that I was too comfortable with the way we were that it had felt that way. What would I had known about love, anyway. If I’ve learned one thing in my life so far, it’s that you can never trust a guy. Being friends with one of them is just like riding a bike; they are unreliable and you always get hurt somewhere along the line, no matter how careful you are. There’s really no reason to risk the heartbreak. Having a guy best friend is complicated, because if they leave it means they are basically rejecting you in two ways; They don’t want to date you, and they don’t even like you enough to be friends. It is very difficult, despite what girls say, to not fall in love with a guy best friend. Who wouldn’t fall in love with a guy who knows everything about you, who you do everything with, and who seemingly cares about you? If you said you wouldn’t you’re lying to yourself. You may call me bitter, but that’s okay. Because I am. There was nothing sweet about leaving me for no reason. Am I suppose to forgive the guy who took everything and left me with nothing? I could forgive him. But the fact is I now love hating him too much to forgive him. Hating Simon Holt is almost as good as loving him.