You were a house on fire.
Burning on the inside,
You swallowed the flames like sugar pills.
And though you tried you couldn’t hide
The black smoke that billowed around you and behind your eyes.
I was merely a candle that didn’t burn quite as brightly as I would have liked to.
Because every time I tried someone was always quick to put me out.
Though our friendship came with doubts,
I embraced it like I would any beautiful thing.
For the first time I was close enough to feel the warmth radiate off my skin.
And in a few short moments you let yourself in.
After that night I woke up to find my heart was a firefly and you held the jar.
I let you strip away layers of myself
And the parts of me that had belonged to someone else.
Like the petals of flowers the other girls tossed at your feet,
I fell for you slowly, my stem tied in knots;
“He loves me!”…He loves me not.
The weeks went by where we didn’t speak,
Afraid to admit to the other we were incomplete.
Days went by where I didn’t sleep
Because I was too busy counting my heartbeats,
Wondering how long my body would go before admitting defeat.
You and I both knew about pain,
The kind where there was no one but yourself to blame—
Where you felt yourself shake from the sheer ache
Of knowing you were the one who made the mistake,
Knowing you were the one who let yourself pour out
Like purified water from a rusted spout.
I didn’t know selfless pain until I met you,
The kind where there’s nothing you can do ‘cuz it’s not up to you,
It’s worse than stepping on a Lego or walking in stilettos,
No, this hurt is like an echo.
I can feel it bouncing off my hearts walls enraged,
Trying to slip through the cracks of this locked cage.
When I’m with you I could cry in happiness, laugh in sorrow—
Stubbornly exist until tomorrow
I wonder What worth does this soul possess?
What feelings do these words express?
I’m lost and you are my compass that guides me,
You are the life that defines me.
I’m extremely happy to exist besides you,
For you’re composed of the brightest hues.
And the first time you kissed me
I felt you stitch yourself into every inch of my soul;
It was the first time I had ever been whole,
The first time I let myself lose control.
I found oceans in your eyes that would ignite
Every time you looked at me in the right light,
The flame in them was so vibrant and bright,
That all I wanted to do was drown and burn all at once.
Infinity has never will never and can never be ours to keep,
But still we will promise it because without it what is there left to believe?
Forever is in the way your hand intertwines with mine,
The way not all poems are wrapped in rhymes.
It’s in all those moment when we had to read between the lines.
Our breaths with each exhale whisper “I love you” one more time.
The kisses that I will trace down your spine,
Where hollows meet and greet the shadows with open hands and closed eyes.
Forever is having you—
And knowing that this moment with you is more precious than forever can ever be.
Hair graying, bodies fraying, minds straying,
Our love not once fading, we will have proven ourselves right,
That we did belong together, that we were each others gravity keeping us grounded.
That we were bounded to one another.
In the end both of us better do some serious praying.
For all those times our strength was wavering.
Despite all the fights and all the screams
All the nightmares tucked away in our dreams
I will never question why I bothered staying;
Because if our minds go blank
And you can’t remember my face I know that we will met again and again
As lovers, as companions, as friends.
Because a story like this never simply ends.
So we will stay with one another
Though the only thing we have to gain is each other.
—That will always be enough for me.
Here’s to hoping you agree.