My favorite word in the world is snazzy because I believe it sums up a specific emotion quite well. You know that feeling where you just smile and have this overwhelming sense of pride and happiness? That is because something or yourself is snazzy. Everything I post on here is something I believe to be snazzy. This can range from writings of mine, photos, quotes from my friends, or links. So go ahead, read, enjoy, and be snazzy.
So my sister spent ten minutes explaining what the term “Ship” meant to my grandmother. And when she was done my grandmother asked who she shipped herself with. My sister replied “I don’t really ship myself with anyone…no that’s a lie. I ship myself with food.” And that’s the story of how my sister became my best friend.
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, “Is it good, friend?”
“It is bitter—bitter,” he answered;
“But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart.
We were sitting on your great grandfathers patio counting how many humming birds were at the bird feeders. Your whole family was talking at once, asking me varying questions. There were the polite, mundane questions: Where are you from? Who are your parents? How long have you been together? Then one of your cousins asked what every romantic wants to know—how did we meet? You explain that you were running late for work and ran out of the house without having a cup of coffee. By your lunch break, you were exhausted and needed to fuel your addiction to the bitter drink.
"I had just sat down when the small bell above the door rang, announcing someones arrival. I looked up and saw small shoes colored a striking blue step across the barrier, one after another, making a staccato note with each dainty fall against the stone flooring. That’s when I knew that I wanted to know you."
Your family smiled for us and you kissed the top of my head. Then you said as an after thought “If I weren’t addicted to coffee we never would have met.”
It was then that I wondered for the first time how many times we never met.
How often were we on the same subway, both sitting next to a stranger who would never be anything more than a stranger? Perhaps we passed each other on a weekly basis; just two people sharing the side walk. Do you remember when we found out that your mother and my grandfather were buried in the same cemetery, twelve bouquets of flowers apart? You visited her every Sunday before church. I visited him every Sunday after church. I wonder how many times we stood in the used bookstore on the corner of Pine, flipping through a book we knew we weren’t going to buy.
You said if it weren’t for coffee, we never would have met.
I’m not sure if I believe that though. I believe that soul mates are always crossing paths, because if two people are meant to know each other, they will find a way to meet. The period of your life that you meet them decides what they will be to you: a lover, friend or mentor. Maybe we only meet them when we are meant to. Maybe I could have been introduced to you a dozen times last Winter and we would have still parted as strangers, struggling to remember the others full name.
Perhaps we find our soul mates when we are able to fully appreciate their presence. Or maybe I’m wrong, and if it weren’t for the fact you wanted coffee we never would have met. Maybe my face would never have caught your eye. Maybe you would always been on the 7:30 bus, while I waited faithful for the 7:45. Maybe we would have never crossed paths.
I don’t believe that though.
I believe we have met over and over again, waiting for the day when we would meet and it would matter.
The world passes by in a blur of colors.
Headlights acting as lighthouses,
Streetlights acting as nightlights.
Moonlight setting a glow to the pavement
That makes the broken glass shimmer.
Fragments of metal splayed across the four lane
Like trinkets dropped by toddlers.
Cars tip toeing around the mess.
Screams echo over
a symphony of radios.
Oil and blood paint the concrete
Creating hidden messages
that will be washed away
I was told the sun
Would always too be bright for my eyes.
Maybe that’s why
I am lost in the light of your soul.
A hopeless romantic who thinks love’s key;
He claims he just wants people to be happy.
Cupid is the excuse that people use
For putting up with neglect and abuse.
An irresponsible adolescent
Who believes all love should be incessant—
Cupid is a reckless alcoholic
Who doesn’t know when to stop taking shots
It’s time to put down the arrows, kid.
And let impossible loves be lost.
I will write you into my heart.
Graffiti your name on the walls
As a reminder
That anything can be art.
If I made my soul a tangible thing,
Maybe you would capture it in a jar
Just so you could watch it flutter its wings,
Against glass bars.
You were a house on fire.
Burning on the inside,
You swallowed the flames like sugar pills.
And though you tried you couldn’t hide
The black smoke that billowed around you and behind your eyes.
I was merely a candle that didn’t burn quite as brightly as I would have liked to.
Because every time I tried someone was always quick to put me out.
Though our friendship came with doubts,
I embraced it like I would any beautiful thing.
For the first time I was close enough to feel the warmth radiate off my skin.
And in a few short moments you let yourself in.
After that night I woke up to find my heart was a firefly and you held the jar.
I let you strip away layers of myself
And the parts of me that had belonged to someone else.
Like the petals of flowers the other girls tossed at your feet,
I fell for you slowly, my stem tied in knots;
“He loves me!”…He loves me not.
The weeks went by where we didn’t speak,
Afraid to admit to the other we were incomplete.
Days went by where I didn’t sleep
Because I was too busy counting my heartbeats,
Wondering how long my body would go before admitting defeat.
You and I both knew about pain,
The kind where there was no one but yourself to blame—
Where you felt yourself shake from the sheer ache
Of knowing you were the one who made the mistake,
Knowing you were the one who let yourself pour out
Like purified water from a rusted spout.
I didn’t know selfless pain until I met you,
The kind where there’s nothing you can do ‘cuz it’s not up to you,
It’s worse than stepping on a Lego or walking in stilettos,
No, this hurt is like an echo.
I can feel it bouncing off my hearts walls enraged,
Trying to slip through the cracks of this locked cage.
When I’m with you I could cry in happiness, laugh in sorrow—
Stubbornly exist until tomorrow
I wonder What worth does this soul possess?
What feelings do these words express?
I’m lost and you are my compass that guides me,
You are the life that defines me.
I’m extremely happy to exist besides you,
For you’re composed of the brightest hues.
And the first time you kissed me
I felt you stitch yourself into every inch of my soul;
It was the first time I had ever been whole,
The first time I let myself lose control.
I found oceans in your eyes that would ignite
Every time you looked at me in the right light,
The flame in them was so vibrant and bright,
That all I wanted to do was drown and burn all at once.
Infinity has never will never and can never be ours to keep,
But still we will promise it because without it what is there left to believe?
Forever is in the way your hand intertwines with mine,
The way not all poems are wrapped in rhymes.
It’s in all those moment when we had to read between the lines.
Our breaths with each exhale whisper “I love you” one more time.
The kisses that I will trace down your spine,
Where hollows meet and greet the shadows with open hands and closed eyes.
Forever is having you—
And knowing that this moment with you is more precious than forever can ever be.
Hair graying, bodies fraying, minds straying,
Our love not once fading, we will have proven ourselves right,
That we did belong together, that we were each others gravity keeping us grounded.
That we were bounded to one another.
In the end both of us better do some serious praying.
For all those times our strength was wavering.
Despite all the fights and all the screams
All the nightmares tucked away in our dreams
I will never question why I bothered staying;
Because if our minds go blank
And you can’t remember my face I know that we will met again and again
As lovers, as companions, as friends.
Because a story like this never simply ends.
So we will stay with one another
Though the only thing we have to gain is each other.
—That will always be enough for me.
Here’s to hoping you agree.
We hold the preciousness of the moment
In this empty parking lot of good-byes.
Between us are various components
That won’t let us admit what we’ve denied.
Even though we’re leaving for the last time,
I know our hearts will always be calling—
And until I run out of thoughts or rhyme,
I will write things to keep me from falling.
Sometimes I tell myself it wasn’t real;
But we both know I’m not someone to trust
There are times when I lie awake and feel
The physical space that was between us—
I suppose this will always be my curse;
I’ll love you as long as you say it first.
You were the brightest part of my day. Whenever you peeked down at me from behind clouded eyes my frozen soul would melt instantly. Your warm embrace would engulf me. Ever since I could remember, you were the only one who looked beneath the surface and accepted all of me without regrets. Being with you made me believe in forever. I wish I could have frozen time, so that these moments together never would have had to end.
You couldn’t stay though, because other people needed you. I wasn’t selfish enough to make you stay. That’s why whenever you were around I would cry salty tears, enough to fill an endless sea. I knew you would leave soon and I would be alone until the next morn. We both knew if you were to stay with me all the time, you would wear me down. I didn’t want to be your burden. Winter was the loneliest time for me; you came as suddenly as you left.
It was another bitter night, and I was looking to the horizon in hopes of seeing the outstretched arms of my love. Instead I saw the silhouette of a ship in the distance. I hated ships; they always avoided me. I kept my eyes on the ship and noticed that it wasn’t changing its course. It was heading right towards me. In desperation, I tried to think light—I thought about what you would do at this instance and realized you would welcome it with your shine…I let your sister wrap me up in her moonbeams, and for a few minutes I swear I sparkled.
When the ship hit me I felt myself shatter. Pieces of me plummeted into the water with such an urgency I couldn’t control it. People tried to grasp at my broken parts in an attempt to stay afloat, but like so many before them they let go because my cool disposition was too much for them. I wished I could have told them that frostbites not contagious, and that when two frozen objects.. thaw and freeze together they become stuck to each other, and I can’t think of anything more poetic. I would have said all of these things if my lips weren’t so heavy and if my tongue wasn’t stuck to the roof of my mouth in an attempt to rid myself of a two hundred year old brain freeze. I watched as a young couple fought fiercely over who would float on a broken door—The girl won when she pushed the young man off the raft.
Pieces of me drifted farther and farther. I feared that you would never find me…and I was cold, even for me. I braced myself for the loneliness. I knew that my crystal smile would never again be illuminated by your rays. I decided then that the price of loving is remembering. I promised myself that I would never let my memories of you fade into the background.
Just when I was about to let my thawed heart freeze, I felt the familiar tingle wash over me and looked towards the oceans edge. The sight of you rising against a bruised sky was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.